oya @oya@ubuntu.buzz

spouse is on the phone with his white "politely" racist neoliberal dad who literally just said 'it is what it is' right after praising how dems are allegedly following procedural minutia and unwritten ideas of 'propriety' as an excuse for not doing enough to help folks, so now i'm putting in the headphones

in the last several years it feels like there's a way higher percentage of profession-related images (album covers, workshop thumbnails, head shots, etc.) where black and brown femmes deadass look at the camera and refuse to smile in the slightest and i love it

I'm glad other people really Are a particular gender and can locate themselves within it on a deep level regardless of their gender assigned at birth, and that it's not just LARPing, it's real and important.

For me it feels like an axis of identity that does not exist internally at all except in the expectations of others and fear around failing to gender.

To me, genders are like characters in a fandom that I could LARP as, which is fine (LARPing is fun and cool). But even though I have no interest in this particular fandom, queerphobia and the way gender interacts with racism obliges me to perform anyway, and I resent the hell out of it. I do not want to participate but queerphobia+racism threatens me if I go.

main feeling around gender is anger that my ability/willingness to keep performing it affects how I'm treated and can have material impact on my life

Thinking about how effective this was on me, how it normalized horrible shit and implied that nothing less horrible is even possible. Emotional reactions can be so important

It really does matter how casually settler colonialism, enslavement, and even less blatantly violent ideology like neoliberalism and neocolonialism are presented in textbooks and documentaries. The lack of condemnation or emotional affect communicates 'this is fine'

thinking about why I so casually accepted oppressive ideology when I was a kid

did the sanitation worker know they were coining a new technical term when they first said the word 'fatberg'

fatberg

Ah yes, thanks for bringing me...the memory of when some asshole said some really shitty thing thanks

my mind:

Sometimes my mind is like a cat that loves it's human but does way too much and keeps bringing unpleasant objects to my doorstep

this is terrible. shit's just so fucking inhumane for zero good reasons damn

I used to swim laps at a gym with a pool, but it was near a chocolate factory so sometimes when I turned my face to breathe I'd get a face full of heavily chocolate-scented air